August 26 1955
when marie had given birth to her third child the previous April,
she waited too long to go to the hospital, nearly dropped him
in the elevator, and developed a life-threatening hemorrhage.
so with this baby she made sure to get to the hospital
in plenty of time. unfortunately, the [female]
obstetrician [not easy to find in the 1940's
and 1950's] who had delivered all of her
children in culver city had died after
john's birth. the family had moved into their
new home in torrance as well.

although he certainly knew of marie's history,
the [new, male] OB, when the hospital called to
let him know of her arrival, said, "oh, she won't
go for hours," and did not report to the scene
in time to catch marie's baby number four. this
was a problem for the nurses and/or orderlies
attending marie. legend has it they did everything
short of sewing her shut to stop the new baby's arrival.
they held her legs together. the story i been told for
all my life is that marie was pretty pissed about
this treatment, and that there was not a soul alive
or dead inside that hospital that day who didn't know it.

home movies document the next day, when marie,
still pissed, took her newborn daughter out of the
hospital against medical advice. they show the family
lined up in the back of a suburban tract home in
the pouring heat. according to marie it was 115 degrees
outside, and the only person who wasn't bothered by the heat
was the baby.

i always wondered how my mom knew i wasn't bothered by the
heat! i mean christ, one hundred fifteen degrees?! all you can
see in the movies is the blanket and the bald head of a newborn.
anyhow, that 5 pound baby girl is considerably bigger today.
hehe - and she weighs more, too.

half a century. bekah! i did it. amen

- posted by barbara @ 8/26/2005 05:45:00 AM  0 comments

 
Vigil in Support of Cindy Sheehan
i wandered over to the
democratic underground at a fairly ungawdly hour, and got
hooked for hours reading the weekly outrages committed by the
Top Ten Conservative Idiots. i've had the link for some time
but it was the first time i ever really perused it.

i am so exhausted, and i need to work. but it's like
i can't just turn away today. this war needs to end,
these rotten men should be impeached if possible
and brought up on charges under any circumstances.

the emotional and ethical shortcomings that make
it possible for this most terrible of all presidents,
ever, to leave a grieving mother outside on his
doorstep while he fucks around doing nothing and
more and more people dying daily because of this
travesty, appear to me to typify true evil. if
not evil, then a serious mental illness...yet
what they are all getting away with! i mean my gawd.

scary times. i registered for the vigil in my
neighborhood; it will be the first time - almost,
i marched in protest of street violence not long
after bekeh's death - i've demonstrated in a
formal prearranged venue. it may make me feel
better, but what would be great is if enough
people showed up that the media could NOT ignore
it, and more and more people would begin to see
what's happening here...peace, and bring them home
amen
- posted by barbara @ 8/15/2005 12:08:00 PM  0 comments

 
takingthebrim
out of the blue i received an invitation to be a member of this blog...so i accepted!

now, must do some reading, perchance some writing as well
- posted by barbara @ 8/12/2005 01:01:00 AM  0 comments

 
Welcome To Trafford Publishing - The Self-Publisher's Publisher
anyone familiar with this place? and how do you suppose
that within days of announcing on my blog [which
boasts a readership of six, i think] that i had
finished my book i was treated to flashing banners
for this site such that i had to click on it?!

is it a google thang? you thank?

one thing about this i feel very strongly about:
don't sit on it. there are, basically, as i see it,
three options, from which i MUST choose one:

1. try to get a mainstream publisher to accept it.
the odds are very long, but then if it DOES happen
the benefits are humongous: they pay the writer
instead of the other way around, they have networks
that can distribute the book throughout the country
and even the world, etc. There is - or do i imagine
this? - to my mind, a sort of validation of the
quality of the writing that is accorded simply
by virtue of having found a publisher. and last
but not least, the manuscript would be edited by
a professional.

2. publish it myself. this option has one
gigantic benefit: there is no waiting around
for the rejection slips, and it is for sure
that the book will be published. the down
sides are simply the opposite of the upsides
to mainstream publishing.

3. contests. i have the latest copy of poets and writers magazine here, and
quite a few back issues. contests run year round -
most allow multiple submissions which, and i
might be wrong about this, most publishers do not.
usually the prize includes having your work published.

i perceive a couple cons with this route. for one thing,
almost every contest any more requires an entry fee
[some call it a "reading" fee but let's be realistic,
for most - not all! - the fee is the only way their
venture makes any money]. at the present time i haven't
paid my rent for this month, so i can log that out easily
enough. another down side is that the prospects for the
book reaching a wide audience, while probably somewhat
better than for a self-published book, are dim. and last
but not least, and this is just an opinion i formed after
attending a writer's workshop in Taos, NM, in 2003: many
of the contests are sponsored by academic institutions,
and the odds of winning are probably stacked in favor of students,
alumni, and staff.

so. once a route to set out upon has been decided,
the choices only get more difficult, of course.

know any good literary agents?

to deb, CC, Kaveri, Yvette, ili, and especially my angel michele, thank you - thank you - thank you
- posted by barbara @ 8/11/2005 06:39:00 AM  0 comments

 
announcement

i am printing the appendix to my book. it's done, i finished it.
omigawd what now? would anyone like to dance with me?
i am alone here, with the printer making its noise,
swish swish, swish [it's a cheap little canon].
the book double spaced complete is 300 pages long.

300 pages - 4 years - countless tears - undescribable
pain and the joy to match it.

i finished my book. wow! wow! what now?

300 pages, even. not counting acknowledgments
and table of contents, prologue, epilogue,
forward, introduction...dedication, blurbs...hah!
i'm giddy with accomplishment and i am here
just to record the giddiness.


Posted by Picasa
i'm sitting here and the swishing has stopped.
all smiles. jumping up and down mentally.

i finished my book. for better or worse, it's done,
it's printed, it's going OUT asap!

fuck it, this book will fly or fall flat.
it will find an audience and the writing
will prove to be good, or it will not,
even if the writing is good and maybe
the writing is not so good? fuck these
fears, i have no time to entertain those
mofos. i finished my book.


Posted by Picasa
hehehehe
- posted by barbara @ 8/07/2005 04:58:00 PM  0 comments

 
flickr's not up tonight

face 43
Posted by Picasa
Rory and i had a nice walk tonight...i used my
new camera phone, and gave him the kodak.
unfortunately flickr is down, and picasa
just doesn't make it easy enough to do a
photo journal entry. so manana with that.
here's a couple random pictures for the hell of it.

me with my oscar back in '96...:)
Posted by Picasa

rory and chase earlier. they sure do brighten my day.
Posted by Picasa
- posted by barbara @ 8/06/2005 10:18:00 PM  0 comments

 
Underground Stream
sounds. thank you ili...
this is interesting to me because ili's are
almost all natural, whereas mine...should change,
i think.

1. tv. it's the background theme around here.
it's 3:49am and i was just woken up by the absence
of the tv. so i called the cable company and they
extended me til payday.

2. music. there was a bumper sticker
going around for awhile, "without music life
wouldn't be worth it." i agree.

3. traffic. i live about one block from
one of the busiest roads in the world.
one of my least favorite too...

ah, well. i can't make ten. too many commercials.
too early in the morning.

***
i no longer respond to survey questions pertaining
to "race." if i'm answering the survey the inquiring
agency knows what race i am, human. only humans,
to our knowledge, can read and write. i think
it is long past the hour that any questions
related to skin color should be shitcanned.
demographics schemographics. institutionalized
racism is a reality and the continuing insistence
on separating people by color perpetuates it.

they should be removed. or at least an option
added, "i am offended by the question. on harris poll online
an option to decline is offered. on
NPDORone
can respond with "other." which i do.

what do you think? while you're commenting, let me know
if you would like to respond to polls from either of the above
online surveying companies. if i refer you i get a reward. :)

3 seagulls perched on poles. this size doesn't show
the scene too well. i couldn't get any closer or they'd all fly
away, so i shot from inside the car. if you click on the picture
choose "all sizes" to get a better sense of the scene.
- posted by barbara @ 8/05/2005 04:11:00 AM  0 comments

 
Super big


This yacht has been docked around the corner from where i work the past couple of days. i've never seen a private boat so big.
- posted by barbara @ 8/04/2005 07:28:00 PM  0 comments

 
Wilmington man to serve 60 years for motel assault
and bekah's killer got four...
- posted by barbara @ 8/03/2005 08:40:00 AM  0 comments