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barbtries a blog
Friday, November 26, 2004
i am cool; rory told me so

the boys i had yesterday [missing my sailor son and my daughter]
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i slaved over the hot stove yesterday, at my oldest son's house. it was just my youngest son, oldest son, two grandsons, and me...and john, micah, and tyler were supposed to be at the boys' other grandmother's house no later than 5 p.m. which was cool because i needed to go to the cemetery. since i went back to work i barely get over there anymore, and it was thanksgiving.

anyway i got the bird stuffed and in the oven at 11:12 a.m., which according to fanny farmer meant it would be done shortly after 3 p.m. it was a little later than that, and sometime after 4 p.m. we were stuffing the feast down our throats and john was rounding up his kids to go to long beach. i was doing some laundry there and rory and i stuck around a bit longer picking up a little bit, covering up the leftovers, and so on.

rory wasn't in the mood for the cemetery, but i insisted, although i didn't know where i'd find flowers. it turned out to be right around the corner from john's house...it was dark by now, after 5 p.m. for some reason [not coming from home as i always do, i guess] i took surface streets toward the cemetery, ending up on madrona approaching sepulveda blvd, where i screwed up by staying too far to the right.

but this was right where i grew up, on 228th street in torrance. i decided to go ahead and drive by "my" house and show it to rory. after 5:30 by now, and the gas light came on in the car, which is a rental. we took a little tour of the neighborhood and cut through new horizons to maple ave which turns into 235th street, where i got five dollars worth of gas. we had about 20 minutes to get to the cemetery by now.

so. east on 235th street to arlington, left on 237th to walnut, right to lomita blvd. i had assured the skeptic rory that we would make it to the cemetery, then we ran into this signal at walnut and lomita. there was no traffic on lomita blvd when we pulled up to the light, which was red for us and green with a white "walk" symbol for the non-existent cross traffic. i put the car into reverse and drove back and forth a couple times attempting to trip the signal. still red, still green and "walk" for lomita...a cluster of cars came through following the change of the light at western. and were gone. still no change for us.

i pulled out, out, out, and ran the light. it was ten minutes to six and we were five minutes away from the cemetery still. as soon as i pulled into the intersection, my 12-year-old son, rory, declared, with conviction, "you're cool."

as i told rory, i figured if i was pulled over for running the light i'd never get a ticket after i told the policeman i was running out of time to visit my daughter's grave. rory chuckled, repeated, "you're cool," the second time he has EVER awarded me that compliment. i do believe he said it at least three times within about 60 seconds of my running a red light that did not appear to want to change for us.

i don't believe i would have ever guessed in a million years that that's what it would take for my son to consider me cool. go figure.

we pulled into the cemetery and were stopped by security who said, "sorry, the park is closed." i said, "can i just go drop off some flowers at my daughter's grave?" and he said yes without any hesitation. it was very dark. bekah had flowers already which always is a comfort. quickly i told her what i needed to, amen, love you bekah, and out. rory and his cool mother who runs red lights.

rory took this from the car last night on the way to the cemetery...cool picture, huh? :)
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Thursday, November 25, 2004
Yahoo! Groups : bekah
i posted to my yahoo group and wanted to second here, on my blog, which i don't want to neglect and do and will. happy thanksgiving, and two days late let us observe a split second or so of silence for my parents:

my mother about 1943
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Marie G. Bales, 12-28-25 to 11-23-80 and
Frank Bales, 3-25-19 to 11-23-68

my dad, about 1941
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i just wanted to tell anyone and everyone who may still read this message happy thanksgiving, i miss you.

since i started working again in july i feel how much harder it is to stay in touch, and feel isolated and missing bekah very much.

two steps forward three steps back. i think that is the truth, and wonder about happy. then there was the election and all.

anyhow. since i went back to work it has been proven to my satisfaction that losing bekah did change me fundamentally, unless it's just age. i am almost 50...point being that it feels pretty much as if 100% of my energy is consumed there. for very little reward, too. and a boss who is not very nice.

oh well. love to you all

bekah's mom barbara

Thursday, November 18, 2004
National Novel Writing Month - National Novel Writing Month
i'd been guilty of the sin that will get you a lifetime in virtual siberia. no more. ladies and gentlemen, the first 989 words of my latest unfinished novel, Drama...

as a novelist i have to admit to being less than prodigious in my output. this is the book i began with last year's nano wrimo and these 989 words are all i've EVER come up with for it. which kinda sucks, really. and - well. i don't have to elaborate on the nasty comment that makes about me. do i.

:) ah, well.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Sorry Everybody

sorry submission
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Sorry Everybody
been surfing the messages very teary for some time. my message not posted yet, i guess. and it's different from this one though not by a lot.

the page makes me cry the way voting used to make me cry...swollen with heart because people are so great.

gw bush shouldn't be the president. as it turns out there are very many people who do recognize the truth of that statement, both here and abroad.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

rory, my youngest, my love
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ok, now you will concede that absolutely this is the most adorable dog. period.
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cemetery at taos pueblo new mexico
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the resr of more flowers. there are more, too.
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Friday, November 12, 2004
Sorry Everybody
i won't belabor it because mostly what good would it do. i was surfing blog explosion and someone else had shared the link with a disclaimer that she wasn't sorry. not that she voted for bush or felt he deserved to be president, just that it didn't sit right somehow, feeling as if the world deserved an apology. anyhow, i clicked, and cried, and pondered, and clicked through many many apologies, and a couple rah rahs from folks in other countries, reassuring that people worldwide at least some of them are smart enough to gather that being american these days does not mean being proud of who's president or blindly supportive of the travesties that pile up under the administration of gw. and i realized that if i could, i would apologize to the befuddled and disgusted citizens of other countries, even though i did not and would not - i mean, i cannot even imagine ever! - voting for the moron. because it is still my country and the rest of the world should really know that the current president of the united states falls far short of representing the people of the united states.


more flowers-
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Thursday, November 11, 2004
Cox & Forkum Editorial Cartoons
yes. thank you veterans, including my father, my brother, my son.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Originally uploaded by barbtries.
can i use flickr as a server and put this graphic where my kerry banner now sits? hmmm.....okay. i posted one sentence and something is not right...

The Tao of Poetry: reviews of the film
got my dvd this morning; watched the movie tonight. i loved it. it brings me back somewhat to where it is okay to do poetry and love poetry and think poetry. in this place no less - and my mind is going, slinking, actually to the other: the NOVEMBER thing. nanowrimo.
ah, fiction. maybe

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

flowers. there are others
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do not even try to convince me that this is not the most adorable dog ever, ever.
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Los Angeles Blogs, Journals, Writers, etc.
1) What sort of earthquake preparations do most people have?
mmm....some water, candles, flashlights, battery operated radio

2) Have you ever lived though a big quake?
i was here in 1971 and 1996 and all the smaller big quakes in between

3) Which ones? see above

4) Does anybody really have earthquake insurance? i think so, but i would not be one of them

5) Do you? see above

6) How bad would things have to get for my apartment to come crashing into the ground?
how would i know? i don't know where you live. lol

7) If I don't anchor the bookcases to the wall, are they really going to fall over and kill me in my sleep? it's happened

8) Are you fearful, anticipating, or indifferent to coming quakes?
earthquakes scare the shit outta me

National Novel Writing Month - NaNoWriMo
i'm signed up as usual and less motivated toward fiction than ever...i'm a working woman, and there is no time in a day. only in the middle of the night.


my little boy
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Jesus Christ Sues the Republican Party
Ray has written, and shared, which is always a good thang.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

on her 21st birthday
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KISS OF LIFE: ...a great felicity with words...
this blogger has a long list of favorite lines; i cannot resist identifying the ones i recognize.

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."

harry, in when harry met sally

"Cameron is so uptight that if you put a lump of coal up his ass, you'd get a diamond."

ferris bueller, of course...ferris? anyone?

"Carpe diem, sieze the day. Make your lives extraordinary."

dead poets society?

"You must chill! You must chill!"

i know this one for sure...it's lloyd on his first date with diane in say anything at that crazy party where he got the lucky job of keymeister or whatever they called it so drunks would not drive.

i have a question for those coming of age now and during the time of "say anything" - probably the 1980's right? this is the question: do those people really exist at parties?

the list verified for me that i am way out of touch with respect to modern culture. or anyway that i don't watch too many movies. another line or two i could guess, but basically it looks like i'm scoring a not too fat 4 out of 20.

i will briefly commemorate that the election is over and the wrong person won. i don't get it. i do hate it, and feel little hope looking at the next four years in this country and in the world.

Peace. Love.

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

pink and green
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Monday, November 01, 2004

the day we got our little chase, he was only 10 weeks old. now he's seven months old and my landlord wants me to get rid of him! there has to be a better way. if it's a chihuahua it's not really a DOG, right? :(
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Who am i, what am i
A picture's worth

moon phases

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I stand on the sand, and I'm rocking grief to sleep in my arms.

Poetry roll
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