11-19-06 6:09 am
Hi darlin' girl. I decided to do Chopra
as in the olden days of wakeful dawns wrestling helplessly
stubbornly . . . reality.

Yes i was wrestling reality and it was a bit of time before I knew i
would not have to die to actually cope with the calamity that was real.
That had taken your life from you, taken you from this planet, from me.


Bekah on the JFMCbillboard.

Calamity. Tragedy. Enormous, and the grief. Pretty much
my grief and I are friends to the end. We be comfortable
together - and if that causes others discomfort so much the
better. This is true for a couple of reasons:

1. You should never be forgotten
2. Perhaps: consciousness raised, understanding approached,
judgment suspended. And not just for me Bekah but for legions
of mothers bereaved as i am a mother bereaved, by an act of
homicide.

So now Bekah - first let me remind you, daughter:
I love you!
Always will - amen

Chopra:
Because the body is so intelligent, it knows of its
complete bonding with Nature, and when it returns home
to Nature, it feels unbounded.

Silliness. my belief: THE BODY is comparable to a pair of jeans,
a dress, shoes - well it is an "ensemble." One we HAVE and wear
during our mortal stints. Bodies die - their owners know
unboundedness. But just for example, your body, Bekah. It lies,
and rots, under a patch of lawn in Rancho Palos Verdes. It is
covered by a shroud, and the last dress you bought yourself is
laid over it. It is kept company by a collection of things -
Grandma Blanche's promise ring, Micah's Hot Wheel,Matt's house key,
Lizzie's blankie. The body's intelligence is lost at death; the
soul's, never.

Your body can certainly be seen as a gift to Nature, but it
will never again be the vehicle for your soul to sally forth in this
world.

So i beg to differ yet again, Chopra - the only intelligence
associated with any body must travel out of that body - boundlessness
is reserved for spirit, for Love. As cat stevens sang,

Lord my body has been a good friend / but i won't need it when i reach
the end


your end came up too soon Bek. i feel, i imagine, i take comfort, MAKE
comfort for myself like a quilt consisting of facts and instances.

i believe what i believe with a certainty that causes me to
want to say i know it. The reality is, at least so far, it is
something that i cannot know. And I'm not looking for proof in
the person of my third grandchild - no matter how much I hope for
a girl! and no matter the size of my wonder and joy should "SHE"
emerge on the next 6th of July...

amen

Bekah - love you forever xxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooo
mom

bekah made herself a tombstone in about 6th grade
- posted by barbara @ 11/19/2006 08:32:00 AM