mystic - n. One who professes a knowledge of spiritual truth or a feeling of union with the divine, reached through contemplation or intuition. (New Illustrated Webster's Dictionary, 1993 printing.)

so i've always been a mystic. anyhow since almost as far back as my memory goes, i have embraced my spiritual truth. i have wandered off my road to follow somebody else's path from time to time in my life, but it was fairly shortlived and i absorbed the learning aspects easily enough.

still, i'm not too far from plain ignorant at the same time. i woulda never pegged myself for a mystic. i didn't know the definition of the word. but now, i like it. :)

written on 8-30-96 i had been corresponding with someone who was away for a long time and we explored a lot through letters. early in my response to his question, "what do you believe," i wrote, " What I definitely believe in: I am here, I am human, I am divine."

a friend was reading a book about philosophy, or of philosophy, some intellectual posing given to her to read by a boy she had a crush on...this was about 1970, or 71. and she was telling me about the book, saying, "he points out that we don't 'have' a body, we 'ARE' a body," sounding impressed.

"bullshit," i said. "i HAVE a body."

i never bought into a nihilistic take on death. though through the years i suppose there were plenty of periods where i just shoved the question aside because i was afraid to die. i cut myself some slack: just because believing in life after death ameliorated the fear of death that is not a good enough reason to abandon the belief.

it was so strong, anyway. i felt that even if my beliefs were predicated on my fear of death, i could wait to learn that upon my death [or simply cease as it were], and so i ambled through life free of religion and not terribly concerned about spirit. i quit believing in gawd [the judeo-christiam gawd of abraham, the omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent gawd, anyway] as a very young woman, and basically quit praying then as well.

this ain't over, i don't think...but i'm hunched over my notebook in my cramped bedroom and tired of typing already. amen. :)

the entity designed to halp her mother recover with faith ...
the Bekah church of wonder. no gawd, no dogma, no guilt, no preaching designed to convince anybody else. here's a start from a crazy mom who canot let her go.
- posted by barbara @ 1/22/2005 01:39:00 AM