about painting and bekah and glory; old text

bekah zask, my girl 

I have been seeing in geometrical shapes lately. I think it's a sign for me to start painting....

So Bekah wrote in her diary on 06-23-01, less than one month before she was murdered. I never painted before Bekah died; i'm a poet, that's where my art, words are my medium, i cannot draw...about a month or so before Bekah's 22nd birthday, my friend Glory talked me into buying some paints and brushes and paper. It is therapeutic.

Glory how did you know? because she said, "oh, you need to paint." she did.

On Bekah's birthday we dedicated her headstone and i delivered a rather long sermon. It basically just covered my personal spiritual beliefs and how it is that i believe i may effect an actual recovery from my loss, live again before i die. at the conclusion i said that when i get out of hell i "will live for bekah, live, as if Bekah is perched on my shoulder living it too...."

About two weeks later furiously painting and sometimes even liking the results, i realized that painting constitutes a fulfillment of that pledge. if any painting i make pleases anyone i thank bekah. because i daresay she does more than perch on my shoulder; she guides my hand. sometimes...when the painting pleases.
- posted by barbara @ 9/22/2004 05:00:00 AM