been in the filing cabinet for the first time in years....
and lo and behold if i didn't find a paper copy of the book i started back in 1996, after having commuted from lancaster to torrance and back with a 3-year-old in a breaking down honda for six months of computer school. the same book i abandoned back in 1996 in favor of a paying position and an absurd love life, yada yada...

My book: Bales Law – A few pet peeves/ and shitloads of pith/ From a thoughtful,/ Sagacious, humorless/Bitch
By Barbara Bales

The forward:

Bales Law.
Growing up, I heard it cited to explain everything, from why we eat steak and eggs instead of turkey on Christmas, to why people die out of order. These laws have never been issued in writing until now; most of them have never even been issued orally; in fact, the contents of this book constitute the wisdom I alone have gained driving the same stretch of road so often, for so long, that finally there was nothing left to do but figure it all out.

Why a book? Why now? So the whole world can benefit from my driving. Having pretty much decided everything, and having debated the issues at hand with myself at length (for example, sometimes I spent the whole trip thinking only about the way other people drive), I have not been able to think of a reason I should not go ahead and become the next twenty dollar guru. I think I've driven enough to qualify.

A somewhat more pressing reason for a book is that it is past time that the peeves mentioned in the title are brought to light, so the people responsible for my constant bitching can start changing their ways. But that’s just icing on the cake.

The major goal of this book is to discover, invent, or steal any semi-sensible alliteration, allusion, and/or pun for that very special, very descriptive word, PITH. Here’s one now, for instance:

Pith or get off the pot:
A rude admonishment to people who smoke marijuana to start thinking pithy thoughts already.

Then, a table of contents:

There’s Pith In The Road
The Pith Of Depression
The Peeve Of Repression
Short Bursts Of Pith
Take Pithy On Me

*********************** hehehe *******************

'course i've since gradjee-ated to the building of the bekah church of wonder and the creation of the attendant literature...but also, in the cabinet...the end of romances. in april 1999 i considered myself fortunate to be alive after having escaped from this one. and i like what i wrote to him on 03-26-99 [less than a month before the relationship finally dissolved for good]. i'm pretty sure, though, that he never saw it...these were the kinds of observations he just was not responsive to....


he had written, “I LOVE YOU AND HAVE TOTALLY DEDICATED MY LIFE TO THE PLEASURE OF MAKING YOU HAPPY. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO CONTINUE IN MY MISSION. With Love Forever, [the fire]”

and at 9:31:22 a.m. I had responded on the same page:

the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy comes to mind…the concept that to have one must release…the concept of psychological manipulation…love that is not really love, but obsession, possession, digression, repression…I love you too, I do, but with each passing day that I am not allowed to do what I am driven to do, that I cannot write what I feel or say what I mean…what was love diminishes into a host of nasty colors, stinging tears, overwhelmed by fear, dread, and the (worst thing of all) loss of hope that it will ever change….

- posted by barbara @ 8/05/2004 05:35:00 AM