black and yellow


there is actually MUCh to write about. just for starters, rory had a kidney stone! at the age of 11. mucho more, all's missing is the impetus to write.

godammit anyhow. but it is building, i can feel it. i'm like a pressure cooker for words and soon, i really believe this, i will blow. :)

already i'm reading again! ah, january, that must be the reason. S. A. D. ya think? i think, bekah thought, so let's go with that.

and later, when i blow, i will probably have a few words about how bekah is dead now.


a self portrait created by bekah zask during the 1990's. dunno the year?

so i meandered over to facade dot com for a little validation/encouragement/excuse? and here's what i got.
will i rise from this funk of lazy?:The excerpt represents the core issue or deciding factor on which you must meditate, and is drawn from Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death by Patrick Henry:

the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged

okay! would that be a YES, a NO, or a maybe?! i'm fucking sick of this funk of lazy. really! send my son a link to this, i haven't answered an email in a week. school? oh, no, we'll go for that in the next life or the next millenium if not the next semester...job? no, but i faxed a few resumes. didn't follow up on the only response i got, but hey it is a start. and even now i am double spacing my book so that means i will soon be printing up the actual manuscript that i will then [at least in theory] attempt to sell. and i did catboxes last night, and have begun to paint this apartment as a first step in making it livable as it was once, prior to 07-19-01 and the dread days of monster grief and cats multiplying like - like.

? maggots on a dead rat...

anyway. irony and epiphany - my companions. i'm fixing to start skipping with irony, make friends with it. we'll see how that goes.
- posted by barbara @ 2/05/2004 01:23:00 AM