barbtries a blog: miracles like wildflowers

Friday, January 16, 2004

miracles like wildflowers

yesterday when i picked rory up he said, "oh by the way i have one of your notebooks," and pulled it out of his backpack. sixth graders carry more shit to and from school than i did in high school...anyway. i found this beginning of something from 10-07-03. at first i didn't remember it at all, now, kinda. it had slipped my mind entirely.

i gather miracles like wildflowers,
in this field of all and nothing
It is now it is yesterday it is
tomorrow. It is
...Ever...

Gooseflesh changes my skin.
I gaze at the sky; the breeze becomes
a gust of warm wind...
The sun is setting and as it does,
all these people gaze and know wonder,
while i pluck miracles like wildflowers from the sky

A blushing cloud, lit red-orange by a sinking sun
grows four leathery limbs, which support the
weathered shell of a turtle as
strollers gaze and witness in wonder,
as you grow wonders like flowers for your mother

The clouds travel on as the horizon eats fire,
using the last drop of pink for a valentine heart
you present to me like the sweaty dandelions
your nephews collect from the grass near your grave.

I've scribbled a bouquet - baby's
breath to deep red roses - calla
lilies to dyed pink daisies; kissed them like
wishes commended to the sky...please my little girl,
Please her precious soul,
Give her the clouds and every color.

there's more, but i'm not sure about whether i like it enough to share it. but there are two lines:

Oh she made me proud to be
her mother! She did, she did indeed.

i meet with the DA today at 2:30. i want to remember everything i want to say to him. i wonder if he'll answer my burning questions. in a month the woman who murdered my daughter on 07-19-01 will be getting out of prison. i wonder how he'll explain that to me.

just let me stay sane and not crying today. and not so forgetful today. amen

- posted by barbara @ 1/16/2004 05:38:00 AM

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