HELP!
HELP! Should i give him the card?
tomorrow is Sylvia and Vic's 60th wedding anniversary....

two graves over and one above from bekah lies Sylvia, Vic's wife. Sylvia died on 04-01-02. Vic was married to Sylvia for 59 years. At first I thought, "he doesn't know what to do with himself without her," but now, as over one year has passed since Sylvia's death, i think perhaps it's just love.

Just the love so many of us [myself top of list] will never accomplish: the forever love, the TRUE marriage of souls bound for always. I've comforted myself through multiple heartbreaks that at least i know i have it in me. but at 47 - realistically, it seems pretty unlikely in this life.

and that is not actually the point here! the point is that Vic comes to the cemetery every single day, to this day, every day, faithfully. he brings a lawn chair and a little boom box and plays old standards like "Sweetie Pie" and when he leaves he tells Sylvia he loves her. As of a month or so ago, he writes her a letter every night.

Vic and I have gotten to know each other a bit. I think he's a terrific man...today i went to the cemetery for the first time in like two weeks...that's the longest i've ever gone without visiting bekah's bones, and crabgrass had taken hold all around her headstone, giving me about an hours' worth of work. i said some poems and prayers to bekah as i worked, until Vic came by...and then i just murmured them, low, because i had missed being near her bones and was kinda distressed at the mess.

before he left Vic shared with me that tomorrow would be their 60th wedding anniversary. i came home and painted him a picture, and wrote this letter, and - you would think a mother like me would be the total authority on boundaries, huh? - but is not so. i don't know if i should give it to him...what do you think?

thank you for your wisdom bloggers...:)


on the card:

"who said til death do us part? Your love transcends the grave and continues to brighten a dark and cruel world."

Sylvia/Vic Mazeltov ... l'chaim!

June 20 1943
& always

Happy 60th ... Your love is special in this world, and rare.

the letter i just wrote to Vic and dunno if i should give it to him! :

06-20-03 To Sylvia's Old Man :)

Your faithful attendance to Sylvia speaks volumes - libraries! - about the woman you love. I am completely out-of-line you might be justified in slapping me! But we do share something very personal - grief - and I am touched and encouraged by the "TRUE LOVE" testified to by Sylvia and you...
Sylvia, your wife of 60 years and always, I think - and believe fully Love Does Not Die. So think she's celebrating this milestone with you, with JOY because Love's payout is joy.

You know you will always love Sylvia...don't doubt she will always love you.

I had my girl for 21 years 13 days and our losses differ in a lot of other ways...but a widow I know and a bereft father taught me something - they didn't know how much it meant, because at the time I was enclosed in Grief so massive it could have consumed me.

My friend widowed at 25 years old, telling me 5 years later that her husband is around her and the kids all the time...I said don't you need to let him go? you're too young, and she said, "Oh, I live FOR my husband." My friend who killed his 18-year-old son's murderer when the court failed justice and went to prison for it said to me as I cried bitterly over what the court did to my girl: "Now, go live for Bekah."

I am telling you this 'cause I think Sylvia might, by and by, arrange for you to meet a woman, who might just make you laugh or at least laugh at your jokes, and might ease your loneliness down the road...and I wanted you to know that Sylvia is with you and loving you and it is all good...with love Bekah's mom Barbara
- posted by barbara @ 6/19/2003 05:30:00 PM