so we had a mediation. something required by the appointed judge in the case. by the time it was over i was, to my chagrin, pretty much certain that we will not get a trial in the civil case either. also that lawyers represent themselves primarily. a necessary evil that's what lawyers are.


if i had not retained a lawyer, would i be better off in this lawsuit? i don't know and doubt it.


but once again i found myself feeling cut loose in the cruel world. so miniscule, so destined to lose and to fail.

and then it's practically christmas. i made notes in my diary when i got home, attacked again from within by that ineffable despair-laced exhaustion. i call it soul exhaustion; at counseling yesterday my therapist called it the broken heart that sometimes kills bereaved parents of homicide victims.


there is a possibility of collecting relatively small sums from the bars and then they will be out of the case. this is fine with me; i know who murdered my daughter. i know she did it after pouring much alcohol purveyed at these establishments down her throat. also after having worked at and fired from both bars. the law that held such establishments liable was operative for a few years, i guess, but then was profoundly diluted by another law i believe is known as the Dram Act. it just essentially says that although they sold the substance that intoxicated the party, they didn't pour that substance into the party. therefore they are not parties to the crimes that followed the intoxicated state of the party that paid them to serve her the intoxicants.


anyone in the mood for a party?


both ben's lawyer and my own ever so casually mentioned that they would just appropriate all of the money the bars are willing to sacrifice for their freedom from this lawsuit. for costs don't you know.


it is apparently the lawyers' opinion that we can get $10,000 from the bars. my share of that would be $5000; my attorney has already requested costs in the amount of $719. assuming that the $5000 is duly remitted by the bars in question, my lawyer's share of that money is one-third, or roughly $1667. Adding the $719 that has already been requested equals $2386.


so basically my lawyer wants $2614 for future anticipated "costs."


my phone was disconnected yesterday. my daughter, still dead. christmas is less than 3 weeks away and i have 3 living children a daughter-in-law and 2 grandsons; am i crazy? i want to SEE some of that money.


this is what i think i will tell my lawyer tomorrow: take the $2386 and half of the $2614. that would leave me $1300. i am so far behind. my car could be towed anytime i park it on a public street because although i paid the tags i didn't get the tags: it flunked smog twice, and i don't have the money to make it pass. i have already been ticketed for that, and not having proof of insurance [i think i had the insurance when i was pulled over though].


both his lawyer and mine somehow without coming right out loud and saying, "let's go for $10,000, understand you won't ever see a penny of it," told us exactly that. so i said make it $15000 i need money. shortly thereafter they were pulled out of the room by the mediator and when they returned my lawyer said, "we're done for today."


the lawyers could tell i was not ready to roll over quite yet so they ended the discussion telling me to sleep on it.
christ i feel manipulated. manipulated by fear. the fear of making a mistake; that is the fear the lawyers feed.


on the other hand, i have resolved not to embody the victim mentality and if i let them walk all over me i will be the picture of bitter self-pity.


what they want me to KNOW is that the bars will not pay more than $10,000, if they will even pay that much. what i want THEM to know is that if they will pay $10000 they will pay $15000. i know that is a reasonable statement more often true than not; but those lawyers they got to me they did.


i work in a medical-legal capacity and have had an eagle's eye view of the PI [personal injury] process as it played out in hundreds of cases in the past 6 years [not counting the past year during which i was on disability due to my daughter's murder].


none of those cases involved a wrongful death. most of them did involve falsified or inflated claims. several were plainly fraudulent. in almost every case, a claims adjuster somewhere decided that it was more cost-effective to pay than to risk a decision in a courtroom.


why are our own lawyers lowballing us and trying to instill the fear of the claims adjuster into the parents of the wrongfully dead?


i sat there and listened to ben's lawyer take credit for what he characterized as a stroke of genius on his part [suing the bars] when in fact they had already been sued, by me, through my attorney. so much for switching lawyers. necessary evils that's what they are. help
- posted by barbara @ 12/06/2002 02:36:00 AM