barbtries a blog

Thursday, December 05, 2002

Memorial Page Seven
When it feels new again. that's when i go surf the web in search of victims and read story after story of how they died and how their loved ones deal with the going on.
There was a mediation in the civil case today. i scribbled in my diary after returning home.
12/5/02
You must fight for a positive denouement; You must not expect it to amount to anything

you must
fuck it. i prayed to my girl, prayed and begged. When i am assertive i lose. when i roll over i lose. If i fight i lose.

talk about a loser; i live in the obese body of the world's greatest.

the only thing i don't lose is weight. every other loss equals poundage.

in 20 days, christmas.

i hate christmas, rambo, and lawyers. not necessarily in that order.

ooooh...sigh.
unfurl this impossibly tight snarled elastic that is my brow.

breathe the chakras, pray amen
remember love and sunrises and smiles.
this sea of bile is too rotten to swim in,
and the waves will never subside.
step outside of it, just, oh, just!
just try. amen

where is glee, who made me the designated butt? when did it all go wrong?
Is my heart still present, and does it
wear sorrow like a diaphanous sheath?
Does it beat regularly; where is my strength?
Should i really spend time counting, naming,
repeatedly disclaiming all of these enemies
to my vitality?

Where do you be?
Did you hang tight to my faith, recognizing
that they would gorge themselves upon me,
peck, peck, peck incessantly
like lice-ridden pigeons, pigs and rats with their
custom-made-for-me disease?

I'll hold you girl. I will hear in dreams and linger there too.
How I love you, baby girl!
Not only does that dwell in the eternal. It means more than those bastards ever, ever could.
amen

- posted by barbara @ 12/05/2002 09:20:00 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

Who am i, what am i
A picture's worth

moon phases

I stand on the sand, and I'm rocking grief to sleep in my arms.

issues
Poetry roll
Comments by: YACCS

About Me