FREE Stichomancy Readings
i practice stichomancy as a means more of meditation than divination. shakespeare hasat some point. i'm sifting through ashes seeking gems. courting wisdom looking to recover all the way to vital and happy. and it's easy to go off on tangents. 'nough fo been incredibly insightful for me, and many is the time i have opened my shakespeare to a sonnet or a passage that spoke directly to what was troubling or unsettling me at that time.
on christmas 1999, Bekah gave me a "Deepak Chopra Desk Calendar." every day has a [supposedly] pithy quote from one of the most popular coffee table gurus around. since she was murdered i write much of my diary as a letter to my daughter...when fallow, or feeling empty about what to write, i open up the calendar to a random page.
is it ironic? or just kind of funny...as philosophy or even pop psychology, does he attempt theosophy? [and what exactly is the meaning of the word theosophy?] chopra is exceedingly weak at providing insight meaningful to a bereft mother of a murder victim. some of the quotes have left me essentially contemptuous because of their "all is well with the world" basis. it is as if in chopra's universe there is no such thing as murder.
but that's okay, because the point often is also just to vent. too much rage and angst and grief is taxing to the body and the mind and possibly even the soul...though that last, i believe and certainly hope i am right, is up to that soul.
in other words i have much rage and angst and grief. but for my soul i want to overcome with love. make the grief smaller than me, so that i can live, really live, in peace with it...allow the rage to dissipate without destruction of anything being necessary to that...grow into my angst and let it grow into the sorrow of the spirit's true wisdom.
i've been through some hard times in my life. probably the single thing i like the most about myself is that i have always made the effort to learn and to grow from my experience no matter how painful it was. i've sincerely tried to reflect clearly on every why for every terrible thing or situation i've ever found myself in, and have not disowned my own culpability when it became clear to me [not always right away].

bekah's death. that is the hardest thing ever, and i cannot seriously imagine anything worse happening. if i lost another child that would make it worse for me - but if i had to lose a child ever at all not one of my four children being that one could make it any worse or any better. sometimes i make a point of how i lost my "only" girl, but in reality if any one of my three sons had died instead of bekah it would not be better. they all own all of me, all of my love and devotion, forever. if the circumstances of her death were different it might ameliorate or exacerbate my suffering to an extent, but only to an extent. because people were not meant to bury their children.

i was going to transcribe what i wrote to bek the other day...and i will r now

bekah in the news ,,,
- posted by barbara @ 12/16/2002 11:57:00 AM