Bekah’s father heard from his attorney, who deposed Rambo on 11-20-02 at her prison home up in Stockton, CA. my attorney had opted not to appear, apparently because I do not have the funds to finance travel associated with this lawsuit. and since the prison officials [or who knows?! rich white woman. already got away with murder] had locked ME out of the depo, I was unrepresented as Rambo spun lies so brazen she should be brought up on perjury charges.

why aren't people who lie under oath ever prosecuted????

count to ten, breath deeply in through nose, out slowly through mouth...do the heart chakra breathing and remember your mantra: Bekah's presence is more vital to me than her absence....

hm. sorry. this past week has set me back by my estimate three to six months in my grief work. I’ve been asking why these past few days, and I had pretty much abandoned that avenue of frustration for months. been feeling sorry for myself [my least favorite way to feel except for hopeless. in fact very close to hopeless] and making pathetic begging apologies to the spirit of my unavenged only girl. there are moments so bleak I wish I’d grow some suicide bones so I could give up this wretched fight. moments that I am so certain the conclusion has already been scripted somehow: we lose. not comforted knowing that I stand on the side of right and truth and justice. moments when the word justice seems to have a chorus of laughing demons attached, pointing at me, taunting me, like "stupid, you thought it was for real. NOBODY thinks justice is for real."

she lied through and through and appeared to Bekah's dad's attorney [who soon may be mine as well, since he is working on the case and right now it seems as if my attorney is just coasting while taking some pains to be sure his hand will still be attached to the cookie jar if and when it turns out to have something besides dirt in it]
to be an unlikable person and an unsympathetic witness.

As far as Bekah goes, he told her dad that the convict is remorseless. the word heartless may have been uttered by somebody other than myself. his attorney said that the two lawyers who appeared on her behalf were caught off guard by the information that was discussed and appeared to be so disgusted with their client that when the depo was concluded they left the prison immediately rather than hanging behind for a few minutes to consult with her. I don't know; I’ll get the transcript and know for myself that they weren't there on behalf of the two bars who have also been sued.

okay, an example or two of her lies.

before I tell what Rambo said, please understand that Bekah’s head was fractured on the lower left portion of the car's windshield. that is to say that Bekah’s head shattered the windshield directly in front of the killer's face. also please note that Bekah was murdered in front of an apartment complex, the closest units to the impact probably 50-100 feet away....I’m estimating. point being that the witness who heard Bekah’s last scream was considerably further away from its source than Rambo was. and Rambo didn't hear it? didn't know Bekah was a person?

she testified at the deposition that she thought "something" hit her car. that she did not look at her car after she killed Bekah, which supposedly explains why she didn’t realize that a person was involved. Oh please. she could never have made it to her house from where she killed bekah if these statements were true, because she would have been driving blindfolded!

this photo was saved from kabc channel 7's webpage in July 2001. If anyone who looks at this picture believes that bekah's killer told the truth at her deposition ... or has ever, since the night she killed an intelligent, hard-working, beautiful, healthy woman 32 years younger than herself, don't tell me. i'm stressing as it is. i don't think i am stupid.

I will also reiterate that Rambo was driving on the wrong side of the street when she killed Bekah. That she dragged my daughter’s body down the street 80-100 feet before she dumped it in the median so far from her shoes we didn’t find the spot until we’d been there three times. that bekah lost so much blood in that median the stain was visible six months later. that Bekah’s jacket was recovered in two pieces. her jacket was torn in two!

There was not a single skid mark left by the killer's car at the scene. but car accidents always leave skid marks! Right? Pretty much. No skid marks, no accident. Bekah was not killed by accident. This detail should have been regarded as evidence for the prosecution, but what did the DA say to me? “I hired an accident reconstructionist, but he can’t reconstruct the accident because there aren’t any skid marks.” Telling me this as part of his rationalization for abandoning the murder case.

As if I’m not in enough of a lather right now, I suddenly realize that Nicholas Rini must think we're stupid as well as ignorant [of things only lawyers know] and gullible as well as trusting [putting our faith in the man who called me up saying, “Ms. Bales, I’m calling to discuss your daughter’s murder,” and, “My job is to get justice for your girl.”]

oh, yeah! yeah. here's a good one. [Rambo testified under oath on Wednesday] she was not drunk when she killed Bekah. she had one half of a salty dog at the first bar and "thinks" she had one at the second bar. but didn't hear Bekah scream? didn't notice Bekah's head shattering her windshield and being so badly fractured that blood sprayed the entire car and brain matter was recovered from the car as well as from at least two different places in the street?

ok. so excuse me while I go sprint down the street imitating Bekah’s last sound. I can only hope that for Bekah it was pure reflex and not horror, not pain, not fear. i do know that the witness who heard it described it as "blood curdling."

if I let myself really go with a primal loud scream [i save them for the freeway], it would be packed with so much horror, so much pain, and more, and more. frustration. rage. grief, disbelief.

now I believe that bekah is dead and that belief was some time coming. but what I’m having a really hard time believing these days is that her murderer will keep on evading consequences, and will be protected and pandered to and just fucking allowed to get away with it.

i could fill another book with more of the myriad reasons i know my girl was murdered by this creature called rambo. but i'm tired. grief can be a monster and when it consorts with unanswered rage omigod. did i say i was tired? try exhausted, inside out exhausted.

i be working my way to the sunny side of the street real soon, and remembering Bekah with smiles, smiles, smiles. til then, i'll try to be glad that i was spared suicide bones. amen
- posted by barbara @ 11/22/2002 05:53:00 PM