Negative Subspace

oh, i can relate. i have to get a job. i sit here. i am going to review records at the attorney's office. i sit here. i need to get all the shit together to send to my friend, and i sit here.

paralysis. "flooding," that's what my counselor says. i'm flooding and it makes life very difficult. daily life, the little things. because [for me] the big things are swamping my mind and my helplessness angers and frustrates me to tears.

i have to learn to shrug it off and get up. right now i will get up. but first, i will say, i dreamt about my son last night. he wasn't in the dream, his father was. his father was telling me andy was dead. i remembered the dream while reading two stories in the daily breeze, both about young, murdered children in wilmington, CA, a city where until recently andy was known to walk around at 3 am and so on.

happily his friend moved into a better area. because i doubt there is a thing i can do or say that will make andy stop walking around at any hour of the day or night. that kid is too much like his mother....
- posted by barbara @ 10/29/2002 08:00:00 AM