the conclusion of my remarks.
Shortly after Bekah died, I visited with a friend whose husband was murdered about five years ago. She helped me open up to let Bekah's love begin to build faith back inside of me. She told me how her husband's visits after he died scared her at first and how over time, she accepted his ongoing presence in her life, so that now she lets his spirit help her raise their two young children. When I asked shouldn't she let him go, because she is too young to remain a widow for the rest of her life, she said, "Oh, I live FOR my husband." I didn't get it.

Some very important people in my life since Bekah died are those who do know my grief. Parents who have emerged to live again although their child was murdered are like beacons, mentors, ministers to me. Last February, after the person who murdered my daughter was allowed to plead out of the murder charge and sentenced to almost no time at all for killing Bekah, I visited with one of these friends. This man's 18-year-old son was murdered over ten dollars worth of crack and the case was dismissed on a pre-trial motion because the witness was around the corner when the shot was fired.

Well, my friend got justice for his son and spent several years in prison because he did. Now he is out, in love, living and working on happiness. As I sat there choking on the bitter pill of Bekah's justice denied, seeking the wisdom that will allow me peace even though Bekah's murderer allows me no basis for forgiveness, my friend looked at me with milleniums of sorrow and love in his eyes and said, "Now, go live for Bekah." I didn't get it.

I get it now. Living for Bekah means living for Bekah: going after LIFE with gusto, energy, sharing LIFE with any number of fascinating people, soaking up LIFE with joy, laughter, fun, friends.

Living for Bekah means living. When I get out of this place I will live for Bekah: live, as if Bekah is perched on my shoulder living it too. I ask those of you here today to do the same: give my little girl a ride on your shoulder; live for Bekah.

Live long love much be as good as you can be, to yourselves as well as each other. Laugh a lot, and be open to those moments when Bekah will show you her love.

To Bekah,
Love forever in eternity in time on earth in the sky and the great beyond, where you blow kisses sculpt turtles in clouds squirt water at your brother
Find many ways to comfort me

Be well be free bless your soul darling girl and fulfill your finest possibilities in eternity.

In time this will be understood by me: it is how it is so that must be how it must be.
amen

and with that, my comments were concluded. the bagpiper played his rendition of "Big Country" and "Amazing Grace." Bekah's father, best friend, her mother, and my friend who is in the grips of a cult spoke, but her daughter changed her mind. Cried almost as much as me?

good GAWD it has been just so tearful and soooo significant. now, let me make it matter. let me live it amenamenamenamenamen
- posted by barbara @ 7/10/2002 06:23:00 AM