i have to write something, sometime, somehow. what? i've been surfing like a fiend so long i have knots on my fingertips, and i haven't blogsnob-jumped to my blog yet.

that was my goal, yes.

bekah was awarded her degree posthumously from Brooks College in April. Only i didn't know it...three days or so ago i started calling her friends to see if there was anything planned only to discover that the phone call had been made to my ex-husband, his stepdaughter took the message, and nobody bothered to let me know.

i would have been there accepting my girl's degree. i feel cheated. really pissed at her father, and that's not going to do any of us any good at all. he fights his demons his way, i fight mine my way. but what sucks is having somebody else make a decision for you when you are not even advised it is happening. i let him know that i would have liked to have been told, and he said, "i'm sorry."

like i said, he has his way i have mine. never the twain shall meet and all that crap. wonder why did we divorce? oh. yeah, i decided that the unknown of a future without him was preferable to what i could reasonably predict if we remained together...and he is not a bad man. he's just an entirely different animal from myself, so different that we could not be properly supportive of each other. imagine he was still parked on mars and i on venus for instance. i mean how can a marriage survive when the participants reside on two different planets and neither one is earth?

but still. i am pissed. and i will get over it. bekah's 22nd birthday is july 6 and her memorial will be planned by me, paid for by him, and i'll catch up someday. maybe

welcome back blog. crippled machine or not.
- posted by barbara @ 5/06/2002 02:35:00 AM