when i dropped rory off at school i went straight to the cemetery. i wanted to read poems to bekah and ponder extremely deep spiritual matters. i wanted to gaze on the sky and see turtles drawn by bekah in clouds to tell her mother i love you. i wanted to see robins carpeting the park as they did back in february and my sister was here and i went early, early, partly just to have some down time on my own...

it's thursday. not only is bekah getting a new neighbor today but the crew was out picking up flowers. the grass was soaked, and the sky was solid grey. but they left bekah's flowers, and her friend sara had been by with a finger puppet of lamb chop and an invitation to a house party that bekah most definitely would be attending, had she not died.

i stayed quite awhile and took a walk through the wet grass. so much youthful death. there are double graves with brother and sister buried, and i think of those children's mother more than those children at that point. there is also, a ways away from bekah, four graves side by side with what i imagine must be four siblings...the oldest 13, the youngest 4. they died together in 1967 and i would like to know what happened.

i think about her headstone a lot; though a month or two ago i mentioned to her father that it is time to start discussing what we want it to look like and to plan her memorial, he's not gotten back to me. i saw an inscription on one headstone today that really appealed to me, but i think i want the couplet from milton: and now my task is smoothly done:/ i can fly, or i can run.

i've also decided that i do want her picture on her headstone, the same one from the funeral i think or maybe the one from the autograph poster...and on plain shiny black. her complete dates, not just the years of her birth and death. and so on.
http://www.geocities.com/bbalesgeo/bekahmoviestar.jpg - copy and paste this address to see her...geocities will not allow me to have it as a link, apparently.

REBEKAH-MARIE BALES ZASK
"Bekah"
July 6, 1980 - July 19, 2001
Beloved daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, and "Auntie Bek"

But now my task is smoothly done:
I can fly, or I can run.

Love Forever

- posted by barbara @ 4/11/2002 12:55:00 PM