i've been surfing diligently and waiting impatiently for the jimmy poem to form in me. here's a question for any poet who glances this way: can you write a poem if you are not inspired by at least one or two lines - ? Cause it seems i cannot; i must have at least the first couple lines, or a refrain, demanding their committal to paper. after that very often, usually actually, the rest of the poem is made by dint of intense concentration, work, counting syllables sometimes, reading and reading and reading it over, sometimes changing the tense of one word, where it goes in a line, deleting a comma, placing a period...

this process is so delicious to me. i want it. but the first words must come first, and they don't. i remember jimmy. i will not forget him. the way he walked on the balls of his feet; the way he said he would never make the first move on me (then did); the way he stood at the door and his voice when he said, "I'm sorry Barbara," instead of saying, "I'm not coming back Barbara."

i missed his services and just now am going to head out to the cemetery. bekah needs flowers, i need to be near her bones, and if possible i will find jimmy's grave and say a prayer for him as well. amen
- posted by barbara @ 4/20/2002 06:57:00 AM