i check the local paper daily. today this headline caught my eye: MB man's death is ruled suicide

i lived in manhattan beach for over seven years following my divorce in 1987 and continue to play pool there and maintain friendships with persons who live there. i clicked on the headline and read:

From news services
The death of a man found slumped on top of a pickup truck with the engine running in a closed self-storage unit in Redondo Beach was a suicide, police said Monday.
James Pollock, 38, of Manhattan Beach was discovered dead Thursday at Redondo Mini Storage, 3701 Inglewood Ave. police said.
Redondo Beach police Sgt. Don Baird said Pollock died of carbon monoxide poisoning and that he was suffering from personal problems.

Publish Date:Tuesday April


Jimmy and i were friends for ten, fifteen years...almost fifteen years. during the year or so before bekah was murdered we spent almost every weekend together. mostly just hanging out in front of the tv.

when bekah died jimmy freaked and did a disappearing act on me. i saw him one time after bekah died, about last july or august. and when he left he said, "I'm sorry Barbara!" and i knew i would not see him again.

my pain was more than he could stand to be near. i said, "good-bye, jimmy," and i knew it was good-bye for good, and i did not spend time fretting it. i thought how weak, how really weak he is. i would not want to give the impression that there was a future in our relationship; there was not. we were too different...i'm a true adherent of the feelyourpain school of mental health while jimmy was dedicated to feeling as little as possible, or at least never copping out loud to having feelings.

obviously his pain was more than he could bear too...i send a hug to you, jimmy, and you know i cry every day anyway. don't think it's about you. i hope you find peace where you are...i really do.

love. what the world needs now is love
- posted by barbara @ 4/16/2002 10:33:00 PM